Saturday is Birth Mother’s Day.  Our annual event is one of our staff’s favorites.  It’s an opportunity to recognize some of the bravest women we know, and we look forward to seeing these women every year.  

But for birth mothers, this can be a difficult week.  What adoptive parents don’t always understand is that for a birth mother, is that grief does not go away; and that she thinks about the child she placed for adoption, every day.  One birth mother said, “grief is more like an ocean than a destination – it’s continuous in waves, not a flat path that you reach and are done with.”

We are grateful to the adoptive parents that uphold the relationship agreement they made with their child’s birth mother.  When adoptive parents uphold the promises they made in their agreement, it helps the birth mother have peace with her decision and also validates her trust in the adoptive parents,

We talk a lot at ANB about having an open-hearted relationship, for the sake of the adopted child, between the birth parents and adoptive parents. Having an open-hearted relationship can evolve over time; sometimes this means asking the birth mother if she needs more pictures and updates. Or it means being aware of birthdays, Birth Mother Day, and holidays throughout the year, and reaching out to the birth mother to check in.  It means reassuring her that she is never forgotten and that adoption is talked about openly in the family.  

This Birth Mother’s Day, please check in with your child’s birth mother and remember the amazing gift she gave you.  If you do not have an open adoption, remember your child’s birth mother by writing a note, placing it in a balloon and letting it go. Write her a letter and put it in a safe place or simply talk to your child about his/her birth mother.  On this day, let’s honor these amazing women for being so brave and selfless in making an adoption plan for their child.

Stephanie Pearl is an adoptive parent, and the Executive Director of A New Beginning Adoption Agency.