Getting Through the Holidays While Waiting to Adopt
Know that the holiday season is a very difficult time for many people. Know your triggers. Take a personal inventory – know where you’re at emotionally.
Accept where you are at and how you are responding emotionally. It’s okay if you’re angry, sad, frustrated, jealous, etc.
Have a plan for get-togethers. Know who is going to be at each function. Family and friends ask questions. Some avoid asking you questions for fear of upsetting you.
Be prepared and maybe make your wishes known to them ahead of time if you’re willing to talk about it or not. Practice what to say before going to get-togethers.
Know that most people who ask you about your adoption are just curious and ask questions because they care about you. Know that they just might not be great at it and may say something in a way that is upsetting to you.
Be in a position where you can leave if you become overwhelmed.
Be prepared to spend time with families who have children or women that are pregnant.
Know your limits. It’s okay to set limits on your interactions with friends and family. It’s also okay to say no to attending an event, even if it’s family.
Know that your spouse/partner may respond to the holidays quite different from you. Be sure to be patient with one another and to give each other the time and space needed.
Communicate with your needs with your spouse/partner and what social gatherings you’re able to handle.
Take a mental break – if needed –from thinking about the adoption. Distancing yourself from it for a short time may be helpful.
Be sure to practice self-care. Make sure you are eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep. Seek counseling if needed. Get a massage. Go to the hot springs in Idaho City. Be good to yourself.
Find your support system and lean on them – whether it’s close friends or family or other parents who have adopted or are waiting too.
Do something fun or special for yourself or with your spouse/partner.
Focus on others by volunteering or by doing for others (such as buying toys for needy children) or do something thoughtful for someone in your life. It will help put your own blessings into perspective.
Make a keepsake for your future child.
Write a letter to your child – whether it’s one that you’ve lost and/or the one you’re waiting for. You may find this very cathartic.
Try focusing on your birth mother and sending her love and encouragement.
Try to stay distracted if possible.
Count your blessings and stay hopeful.
by Sally Bosse
This will help you stay positive.